Tag Archives: 19

Just Friends?

Can two people ever really be JUST FRIENDS after being in a relationship?

Let’s explore the basic types of break-ups:

  • Harsh break-up: This probably happened because something big and huge went down. For Example, cheating, fighting, or actions.
  • “no more feelings” break-up: One side just doesn’t have the feelings anymore and needs to see other people. It should only be hard to be “just friends” for the other side.
  • Casual “let’s just be friends” break-up: somehow you both decide to be friends.

I’m going to be focusing on the last one.

When you share something as close as a relationship how do you know how to act around them after breaking up? You will still want to walk up to them in a crowd and grab their hand, kiss their cheek, wrap your arms around them, etc. Dating someone breaks down any and all boundaries that two people have.  I definitely wouldn’t go up to my best friend and kiss him or hold his hand because those are friend boundaries.

After your first kiss there is no boundary line. You kiss all the time.

After you have sex there is no boundary line. You can’t go back to just kissing, just holding hands, and DEFINITELY just being friends. You will always have that sexual connection.

So how can you see the person you just dissolved boundary lines with and not have the urge to be more than just friends? It’s definitely tough because you are so used to having no boundaries that you can’t get used to not kissing someone hello/goodbye. When both sides are having a hard time with building the boundary walls back up its easy to slip up. You could be testing the “just friends” relationship by hanging out be totally cool and one person makes a move. You now have to start all over. Like an earthquake came rolling through ruining all your construction. If you want to be just friends it would just be easier to not start dating at all.

To date or not to date, that should be the question.

So Cal love,

California Girl ❤

What Would The World Be Without Girlfriends?

We all have girlfriends. The ones that have your back no matter what. The ones that understand what you’re going through. The ones that can finish your sentences. Yeah, I have a few too and honestly I have no idea where I would be without them.

One of my best girlfriends is Kaitlin. I call her my sister because we are so close we might as well be sisters. Everyone that knows me, knows her and vise versa. We are pretty much a package deal. 2 for 1 and everyone knows that if you invite one, you invite both. If one of us doesn’t show up to an event where our friends are there the other is always asked “Where is your sister?.”

We even go through the same problems almost always at the same time. Talk about cycles being crossed! 😛 Like the past month with my break up…she had just found this incredible guy, who she thought was someone she could spend a long time with if not the rest of her life. What does the douche bag do? Yep! Exactly the same thing the B did to me. Dropped her like she was made of plush. NEWS FLASH BOYS! Girls are not made of plush fuzzy goodness. We’re made of glass! At least in our teen years. Dudes! I mean seriously? How do you just stop talking to someone? I don’t think I have ever picked up my phone, saw who the text was from and thought to myself “hmm, I don’t really like them anymore so I’m just not going to text back” or “I’m scared to get close to him because he might be like the last guy and break my heart, so I will just not text back.” It just doesn’t work like that!

Sorry, went off on a tangent there. I guess there’s still some hard feelings. =]

Anyways, girlfriends always know just what to do to make you feel better.

I would do anything in the world for mine. I’ll be there for them through thick n thin, douche bags n lovers, plushy goodness n glass. No matter the case and I know they will be there for me.

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your girlfriends like family.

So Cal Love,

California Girl ❤

Telling is easy. Listening is hard.

Why is it that when your down in the dumps the words “it will get better” don’t seem to make sense, but they are the first words out of your mouth when a friend is hurt?

“You will find someone better.”

“This just means you were not meant to be.”

These are the words I was told over and over for the past week to make me feel better. When you are stuck on someone these are the last sentences you want to hear. Yet, these are the exact words that I am telling my best friend.  We say them because we know they are true. There are others out there.

Why am I not slapping myself in the face right now! I’m telling this to you and her and I’m living my life wishing I was with the guy I just lost. What a gigantic hypocrite. It’s hard to move on but easy to tell people to move on. I do know that there are other guys out there but until I find them I will be living my life as a hypocrite.

Honestly, what other words are there to tell someone who has lost someone they cared so much about? I would do anything to see her happy but since I can’t take a guy and make him love her this is about all I can do. She did this for me and I do this for her.

When your friend is down tell them it will be alright and remember to listen to your friends when they tell you the same thing. There are other fish in the sea.

So Cal love,

California Girl ❤

My heart

So it is kind of hard to describe a 19-year-old girls heart. A normal 19-year-old girl that is. My heart is DEFINITELY NOT normal.

My heart is in pieces.

  • I left a piece with my mom back when I was five and moved in with my grandparents.
  • Another piece with my grandparents when I moved in with my dad.
  • One piece went to Kansas when my family left California.
  • and I stupidly gave another piece to HIM (or as we are calling him “B”).

It feels like I have 4 holes in my chest. I am hanging onto the only piece left and I feel if I trust anyone enough to let them have it they’ll take it as far away from me as possible and leave me standing lifeless. As you have read previously I just went through one of the HARDEST break ups of my life with, as I mentioned above, B. So I really can’t give it away. Besides, I’m entitled to have a piece of my own heart. Right?

Today as I am sitting at my desk staring off to space I realize I can’t live without him. I need him in my life somehow.

If you take all the parts, mine, my mother’s, my grandparents’, and my family’s, that still leaves one part missing. HIS. Without him I am not whole. Why his part? He’s just a boy. Well I’ve dated a few boys since my parents left but I didn’t really put my heart into those relationships as I had with this last one. I didn’t have the feelings for them that I had for B.

This still doesn’t answer your question ‘why HIS part’. Again, take the other parts….

  • My mother’s: She’s my mom. She won’t walk off with it and leave me without it.
  • My grandparents’: Same thing their family and will always be in my life.
  • My family’s: Also, Family. Not going anywhere.
  • His: He is not connected to me at all besides our 5 day relationship/friendship. He could come and go as he pleases with it and when he does go he leaves me standing with a piece missing.

My family’s parts are mine just letting them borrow them. They fill me when I’m with them and only leave me empty in their absence. B’s part is his and he can either nurture it or crush it. So I really CAN’T live without him.

Also, today I think I realized that I might possibly love him. I know I know. YOU’RE 19 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT LOVE. PSH YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS! So I might or might not, but I know how I felt the day he broke it off. Laying in my bed, broken, incomplete, while life was going on around me. It’s definitely stronger than and “like/lust” I’ve been in before. I texted him today (for the first time since I gave him his jacket back) with intentions to keep him as a friend. My plan? Didn’t go as planned. started off friendly and turned to everything he said made my heart melt!

So love or strong lust, I need him in my life to make my heart whole.

I don’t know if he reads my blogs or not and that’s how I want to keep it. If he doesn’t read them fine. If he does great he knows how I feel. As long as I don’t know I can write freely which is exactly why I started a blog.

So Cal love,

California Girl ❤

Recovery…

So my recovery from the break up has not been easy.

I held in the tears until after I was in the safety of my own room on Friday. They were FLOWING! I fell asleep crying and woke up every two hours just crying my eyes out. Finally falling into a deep enough sleep at 4AM and slept for 6 hours. I then had to literally FORCE myself out of bed Saturday morning. I went for a drive to clear my head. I was gone for a good 3 hours. I ended up at Harveston Lake (where he asked me to be his girlfriend). That was a huge mistake! Couples EVERYWHERE!

Sunday was a little easier but I was still on the couch all day randomly bursting into tears.

And today I was using every part of my being to not breakdown at work.

No one warned me 19 and dating would be this hard! It is still hard to talk about it so this is pretty short and sweet.

So Cal Love,

California Girl ❤

him!

Have you ever felt that you found your soul-mate? I did.

Ok so not soul-mate but I definitely saw myself spending a while with him.

Back in February I met a boy. Not just any boy. An amazing, sweet, caring boy who I didn’t instantly fall for but getting to know him definitely sucked me in. Since I probably shouldn’t name him we’ll just call him B. We had met at the mall when my sister invited his best friend (who she has been on a date with) to meet us. Then we didn’t hear from them for a while and all of a sudden I had a message from him on Facebook! It was just the friendly hey, how are you we should hang out type of conversation ending in him giving me his number because it would be easier to talk that way. I finally convinced myself that its ok to take chances and to talk to him. We had probably talked non-stop for 2 weeks and during that time he had asked to hang out. Other than the few times we hung out in a group, I always gave an excuse why I couldn’t because I could not let myself get close to another guy after what the last two losers did to me.

One night I was just driving trying to clear my head and he said “if you have nowhere to go you can come over and watch a movie.” Gulp. ok you can do this. Grow a pair. Just go over there. “that sounds cool”. I got to his house, gave the normal hello hug, picked a movie and headed to his room and well…

JUST KIDDING! We actually watched the movie. After it was over he offered to watch another one. I said “well I don’t want to keep you up and have you be tired for work.” He told me “don’t worry about it.  I’ll be fine”. “I will worry about it” I said. “no.” He argued. “yes.” no.” “yes.” “no.” and then BAM! our first kiss! It was short, cute, and sweet. AHHHH that was it! I was hooked!

After that we hung out all the time and pretty much acted like a couple but we weren’t official.

Until April 18th, 2010. That was the day he finally asked me to be his.

It was like the clouds opened the angels sung and everything was ok!

One of the best days ever!

So Cal love,

California Girl

Hello world!

Hello Bloggers of the World!

I decided to create a blog about living on my own in California.

19. Southern California. No Parents. No Rules. What could be better right?!

Well a few things could be better actually but it has been nothing but good times, best friends, and of course the occasional boy.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the fun-filled life of me!

So Cal love,

California Girl ❤